


Love of my life

by Boxcar_Kid



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anorexia, Background Relationships, Boys in Skirts, Bulimia, Child Neglect, Consensual Underage Sex, Eating Disorders, Emotional Roller Coaster, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Genderfluid Character, Homophobia, How Do I Tag, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Male Wendy Testaburger | Wendyl Testaburger, Masturbation, My First Fanfic, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Character, Past Relationship(s), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Trans Character, Transphobia, Tsunderes, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, sorta?, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2020-07-27 03:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20039059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boxcar_Kid/pseuds/Boxcar_Kid
Summary: Nathan stalks the pretty brunette pretty much daily. He follows him home to make sure he gets there, and always knows what room he's in at school.That doesn't mean that Nathan likes Jimmy. Of course not! He could never like someone so happy, and cheerful, and adorably loud....Jimmy just wishes he could talk to him without Nathan walking away. What is so bad that Nathan won't even look at him? Whatever it is- Jimmy is gonna fix it. One way or another.





	1. Everyone hates mondays

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, i am mod rotten. This is my first fanfic ever written and its on phone. Writting is super hard for me because i get distracted easily and bored quicker than most people.
> 
> That being said, please make sure to call me out on any spelling errors or run on sentences or anything. 
> 
> I am an autistic writer and shipping makes me happy like writting, and art does. Hope y'all enjoy! (Also please comment it means alot)) ~mod rotten

(3rd person)

Mondays are _by far_ the worst day out of the whole week, Or at least Nathan thought so. 

Thankfully for him, he wouldnt have to be dealing with that terrible day for a little while. Today was Friday! The best day; school let out for 42 hours and most kids weren't forced to put up with the peers they didn't like.

... At least untill Monday, most likely playing a large role in why everyone hates Monday's.

All Nathan had to do was survive the day and keep an eye on Jimmy to have a semi good day. Only to make sure he wasnt doing anything behind Nathans back is all! He couldn't have Jimmy ploting against him, so he had to stay on his toes. Not that he wasn't _always prepared_ because he most deffinetly was! 

Nathan was snapped out of his thoughts by a loud **_briiiiiiing _**of the lunch bell. The dirty blond jumped in his seat, face burning as some kids close to him turned to look. He avoided eye contact, and grabbed his bag to walk off and find Mimsy. Nathan wouldn't mention the bell situation, or about how he spent most of 4th period day-dreaming about a certain crippled kid.

But Mimsy wasn't stupid. Crazy? Maybe. Easily attached to people? Certainly. But not stupid. He would figure it out after Nathan asked to see his notes since he was 'distracted'. Although, he wouldnt say anything about it. Even if they both knew that Mimsy knew, neither of the boys said anything.

Jimmy was sort if an 'uncrossed line' with Nathan. He didn't like it when other people talked about him. In fact, he usually walked away when the shorter male was even mentioned. He was always spoken of so highly and it made Nathan sick to his stomach. 

Speaking of stomachs, his was quite empty at the moment, and he needed to hurry up and find Mimsy already so he can go eat the shitty school food. 

But not before he found jimmy of course.

Albeit slightly creepy, he knew jimmys sceldual by heart, and didnt have to guess witch way jimmy would be coming from. 

Nathan slowed his pace, avoiding all the other kids in the crowded halls, still heading to Mimsys locker where they usually met.

The duo used to meet at Nathan's locker, but jimmy wouldn't pass them if they went to nathans, so instead, they stood at mimsys locker. It always took Mimsy a few extra minuets to organize his locker, putting his math stuff in an easy to reach place for next period. Unlike most kids in south park who just threw their shit in their lockers, then almost got a tardy for taking forever to find all their crap.

Nathan was one of those kids, but it honestly didn't matter how long it took him to get to class. He could even skip a whole period and when questioned about it, just say he 'got confused' and he was off the hook.

Man, did Nathan love being evil.

Nathan arrived unnoticed at the loveable idiots locker. It only takes about a minute before the bigger male notices his friend standing there, looking pretty unamused with the whole situation. 

"Duhh, hey boss!" Mimsy says enthusiastically. Nathan simply rolls his eyes and continues looking around.

Mimsy smiles to himself, knowing _exactly _what Nathan was looking for. 

And it doesnt take long before the answer turns the corner.


	2. Boys in skirts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig and those guys introduction! Big discriptive chptr. Ik people dont like introducing chapters but idc. Read it or dont.

(3rd person)

Nathan looked down at the floor, the semi quiet halls now bursting with laughter.

Although the dirty blonde already knew what the source of all the noise was, Nathan felt the need to confirm anyway, and he was right. 

Of all the five in front of him, his eyes happened to fall on Token Black first. He was the most sensible of all the boys. His skin was a dark mocha, with his eyes being the same color only lighter. Atop Tokens head was a clean, cut, curly mop of black hair. He honestly looked like a model. Today he was wearing a light grey sweater with black pants and a purple unzipped jacket (with a little yellow 'T'- for Token, of course.) This was also the least annoying of all in 'craigs gang'

Next to Token was Clyde Donovan, who was currently gasping for breath and howling with laughter (probably at something that wasn't even _that _funny). He had a somewhat tan, with cheeks naturally flushed pink, eyes a hazel-brown color, that always _sparkled _with curiosity and childlike wonder (and sometimes tears). Clydes hair usually looked like he didn't put much effort into really styling it, but it still looked ok. Straight hair with almost curls (waves, but not really) and the prettiest shade of bronze. His outlfit almost always looks the same, red and blue Letterman jacket thats always zipped up, and and light blue skinny jeans that he didn't look half bad in, if Nathan was being honest with himself.

Nathan then looked at the stotic male, Craig Tucker, studying his face. There was something off about it today.. Oh! It was a smile. Thats unusual, but it means whatever was said must be actually funny. Craig was the second tallest out of the group, only being beaten by Token. The ravenette never _really _changed his look, but there are a few things that stood out, like, he started wearing nail polish (black, of course. Fuckin emo..), and ripped black skinny jeans instead of regular ones. The only other thing was, he wore a green "friendship" bracelet. Tweek had a blue one.

Tweek Tweak was right beside Craig, nathan didn't think Tweek could get any closer without fusing the two together. Thats how they always were though, so he wasnt really fazed by it. Tweek kinda had a.. 'Aesthetic Softboy' look now. He wore a plain light grey sweatshirt (that he always wore) with an cartoon kitten peeking out of the pocket, purple nail polish, that damned 'friendship' bracelet, and some mint green skinny jeans. He has a hairclip in, but nathan cant see it from where he's standing.

Then we have jimmy.

He's grinning, with a little twinkle in his eye. He deffinetly made the joke everyone was laughing at. The brunette still had braces (green ones), that made him look younger than he really was. His eyes were a grayish green and brown, all the colors in his eyes mixed well together. Just like the bits of golden brown in the braced boys hair. Nathan could stare at him forever. Jimmys cute button nose, and his flushed cheeks, along with that damn smile made nathan visibly_ weak._ he would of course blame it on something else (even too himself) but it was almost impossible to hide.

jimmy wore a pastel yellow and white long sleeved baseball tee, a white nasa jacket hung loosely to his frame. He wore black leggings and...

** _a skirt? _ **

Why didnt he notice that before?? It was sort of poofy, shortish and black and white dotted. It really pulled the whole outlfit together. 

Nathan felt his face flush as he was snapped out of his thoughts for a second time today, this time by Mimsy "Dah, boss?"

Nathan inwardly growned at his lackey, but responded anyways "yes, Mimsy?" The dirty blond huffed, slightly annoyed.

"Well.. We've been here for awhile.. I think we should go to lunch now." Mimsy said with a half grin on his face. He knew why they spent so long there, he wasn't stupid. 

Nathan blushed again, as he grumbled and began walking the other way, following Mimsy,

But leaving a sad Jimmy. 

** _all he wanted to do was talk. What did he do wrong?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hc jimmy as genderfluid and pansexual, so theres that.  
Hes out as pan to everyone.  
Hes only came out as genderfluid to wendyl, timmy, and ofc craigs (his) gang (also kenny knows, but he just figured it out himself idk how)  
No one says anything (in proximity to any of jimmys friends or jimmy) when he wears "girly" clothes, bc if they do they will get the shit beaten out of them (only Cartman really tests this tho)


	3. The first storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of jimmys day and his feelings on Nathans weirdness. Also more about the boys™ 
> 
> This is also sorta where it gets a little darker, so be warned! (Not really any triggers yet,, i would still procede with caution⚠)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready to REALLY dive into this emotional roller coaster. 
> 
> (Also sorry for not updating for ahwile. Ive been going through some personal stuff. Um, its been resolved though, and i am fine. So hopefully, i will be updating more. Hopefully.)

Jimmy frowned. '_Did Nathan just leave as soon as he saw me?' _The brunettes frown deepened, but quickly covered it up. He didnt want any of his friends to worry, besides, its a stupid thing to be upset about anyway. His friends would probably laugh if they found out about it, so why tell them? He would probably forget about it by the end of lunch anyway.

"Dude... Im literally fucking crying!" Clyde wheezed holding his chest. "Perfect moment for that too!" Craig commented, slapping Jimmys back lightly. "Yeah, vine r-re-refrences and com-comedic timing go great together." Jimmy said with a fake grin. It came naturally to him, and that sort of scared him, how easy it was to fake his feelings. The braced boy wondered how long he could keep up a facade without anyone noticing. Or caring. Months? Decades? Who even knows. Probably doesnt matter. 

Jimmy had been silent until they stepped into the lunch room. Everyone was loud, and annoying. But its not really a suprise at this point. Kids are loud, wow what a shocker! Not! But honestly, Jimmy didnt mind though, its better than the death-like silence at his house. Thats a huge reason why he liked being anywhere but home. Even if it was deathly quiet anywhere else, you wouldn't get the uncomfortable, stiff aura thats at his house. Its really hard to even concentrate inside the brunettes house. If he does have to be at home, Jimmy stays outside in the backyard. 

Jimmy blinked out of his thoughts, and realized he was sitting down at their regular table. He must have spaced out, but his brain still followed the normal school day routine. After all, there was no reason not to. Tweek sat down beside him, studing him. "Nng d-do you want me to get you something?" The blonde questioned. Jimmy looked puzzled for a second, and then realized Tweek was talking about getting him food, since he hadn't got any. "No no, its f-fine. I don't fe-feel w-we-we- good." The braced boy said.

He didn't feel sick or anything, but he felt like shit. So technically, he wasnt lying. I mean, Jimmy _was _hungry, but didnt want to eat. Besides, whats the harm in skipping one meal? "Is that why you looked upset earlier?" Token said picking at his food. Jimmy only nodded then put his head down. He heard the boys share comments about how he should take it easy for the rest of the day. 

_They probably thought i got 'sick' from how hyper I'd been all day. _Jimmy thought dully. He was so deep in thought that he didn't even flinch when the bell rung.

The brunette was on autopilot while walking to his locker to get his bag, and all the way to his last class. It was 'speech'. Or well, not really. It was more of a check in for all the special kids, just to make sure they didnt have any issues with anything. It was sweet, some kids really needed it, but Jimmy didnt. He did like the main teacher in there, Mr. Kane. He was pretty cool, and treated everyone with respect. He always had something positive to say, and Jimmy honestly looked up to him for that.

As soon as the red door was opened, Jimmy made his way to his best friend Timmy. They usually sat in the back of the room and messed around until school ended. Jimmy took his regular seat beside his readhead friend, who immediately took notice of the others demeanor.

"Timmeh? Timmeh timmeh!" _**'you look sad, are you alright? If this is about anyone saying anything about how you look, i swear i will stab them because you're cute!' **_Timmy defended. "No! Nothing like th-that. I just feel s-si-sick" Jimmy lied. Timmy gave his friend a suspicious look, but said nothing more on the subject. 

"Oh! Guess wh-what?" The brunette started, trying to change the subject. He traced his finger over a folded paper in his pocket. "I got in a dra-dr-drawing cha-chal-ch- contest! Wanna see my drawing?" Timmy nodded eagerly, looking excided. This morning, some girl asked him to see who could draw a better pokemon. Jimmy agreed, but only because he got to pick which one they did. He picked a classic, Lucario. The only Pokemon that Jimmy knew of the top of his head. It was also the only Pokemon he could draw at least semi okay.

The braced boy pulled out said drawing, and placed it on the desk, when he felt his stomach drop. 

The door opened, and Jimmy didn't move. There was a loud thud of something hitting a table diagonal from theirs. "Nathan! We do not throw things! Someone coulda been hurt buddy!" The teachers aid said. Her voice was sweet, and almost joking.

Jimmy really did feel sick now. He put his head on his desk, and the redhead patted his head lightly. It was suddenly very bright, and way too loud. Every sound that was made was as loud as a bomb going off, and the lights were blinding. Jimmys breath caught in his throat, and he heard his wheeled friend leave his side, only to return with someone else.

"Hey, Jam, you alright kiddo?" It was Mr. Kane. Jimmy was slighty thankful, but made a noise of pain and covered his ears with how loud it sounded. He felt hands on his sides, and Jimmy stood up with them, clutching his crutches and squeezing his eyes shut. Too bright, and too loud, it all hurt him. Eventually, they made it out the door, it felt like forever to the crippled brunette. He leaned against the wall and covered his eyes. "Sensory overload?" He heard Mr. Kane ask in the quietest voice he could with Jimmy still able to hear him.

The brunette thought for a second (or well, tried). It was deffinetly a sensory overload. Its not the first one he's ever had, and probably won't be the last. They started the first time he had a panic attack, then his issues with sensory overloads began. Though they're very rare for Jimmy. Its only if he's close to a panic attack or after one. But what had he gotten so worked up over? It made no sense.

Jimmy had been silent for a few minutes now, and he realized that must have been a little weird. The brunette blushed and nodded, but knew Mr. Kane wouldn't be phased by the wait. He always said that everyones diffrent, and some peoples response time is different from others. Jimmy smiled and put his hands back down. "I-i think im b-better coach Kane." He said. "You sure Jam? We can take a few minutes out here if you want. Totally up to you kiddo." Mr. Kane said with a smile. Jimmy felt safer around the football coach then his own mother. Then again, its not hard to win that title.

"I think ill be ju-jus-just fine coach." Jimmy responed, and opened the door. 

Everyone was staring at him.

Quick! Think fast! Don't make this awkward! 

"Hi my names Chelsea, whats your favorite dinner food?" Jimmy quoted, and most everyone started laughing. They may be special Ed, but they still make a great crowd! Jimmy took his seat "w-wow! What a great audience!" Timmy was studying a peice of paper, that Jimmy recognized as his drawing from earlier. "Timmeh." The red head said putting the drawing down.

"Timmeh. timmeh, timmeh Timmeh timmeh? Timmeh timmeh timmeh? Timmeh?" _**'nice drawing. Also, what happened? I mean, sensory overload i know, but why so suddenly? Are you alright? **_"i- im fine. Just.. I do-dont really know why. Im f-f-fine now though." Jimmy confessed. "Also, thank you. Im n-not sure why i d-didnt win." The brunette said with a grin. Of course he knew why, the girl was an amazing artist, and she said Lucario was her favorite Pokemon too, so she must be used to drawing him. But it was still a lot of fun, and she even gave him some tips! Jimmy wishes he got her name...

Timmy nudged him and pointed at the clock. The final bell would ring in about two minutes or so. Jimmy nodded and slung his bag over both shoulders, then put Timmys bag over the back of his wheel chair. The bell rung right on time, and the friends were one of the first out of the room. Today was a nice day, so they were going to walk home (well, wheel for Timmy).

The whole way to Timmys house, and all the way to his,

Jimmy couldnt stop the feeling that he was being watched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, im sorry it took awhile. I didnt want to post a shitty, short chapter thats just out so i can update. I dont want to force myself to write this, because if i do that i guarantee i will lose interest in writing this. So, updates might be weird, but the quality will be as good as i can make it!  
And, in my opinion,
> 
> Quality>Quantity.


	4. Out of your mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jimmy gets home, he has alot on his mind, his friends are texting him a little bit worried, and his parents couldn't give less of a shit about how their only child was feeling.
> 
> Why did he have a panic attack? It couldn't be because of Nathan.. Right? Everything is so confusing, and Jimmy valmer begins to spiral out of control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biiiiggg trigger warning for self harm, do not read this chapter if that may cause you to be upset an any way. 
> 
> Read till the end if you are interested on why i haven't been posting at all.

Jimmy Valmer had arrived home a few hours ago. At first he tried to talk to his parents about today, but as usual, they weren't listening. 

Not a huge surprise, but still disappointing. 

Now, he sat in his room. Not really doing anything, not even thinking. Just.. Laying there. His phone has been going off for awhile, but Jimmy decided he wasn't going to answer. Pretending to be dead was a better option right now.

What else could he do? Besides light a blunt, but he wasn't in the mood to smoke right now. The only thing he wanted to do is dissapear. Lord he felt disgusting.

Okay, maybe Jimmy was in the mood for a shower.

The brunette grabbed a large black t shirt with deadpool riding a unicorn on it, some underwear, shorts (that he wouldnt even end up wearing) and plain black socks.

As Jimmy made his way into the bathroom, he noticed his parents heading out the door, keys in hand. He wanted to ask where they were going, when they will be back, but ultimately decided against it. They wouldn't even hear him if he asked, so why bother?

Jimmy sighed and walked into the bathroom, not wasting anytime to turn on the shower, the steam filling up the large bathroom and fogging up the mirror. The brunette sighed, thankful he couldn't see himself anymore. That was the last thing he wanted right now.

Jimmy opened the bottom drawer where his hair brush was, and some face wash, but something caught his eye..

A package of equinox blades. 

Jimmy caught himself reaching for them but stopped. He felt guilty, but tried to brush it off. Why should he feel guilty? The only person he'd hurt is himself.. Besides one time couldn't be that bad, right?

Jimmy looked around, afraid he'd get caught if he even looked at the blades, before picking them up and taking one out.

The brunette took a shakey sigh and set it down on the counter. Jimmy stripped his clothes off, putting them in the hamper, picking back up the blade and stepping in the steaming shower. He looked at it, not sure how to even start, not sure if he wanted to anymore. He felt like he was out of his mind.

But it was now or never

And Jimmy dragged the blade across his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was sent to a recovery clinic. Simple as that. Myself esteem dropped like my weight, but that didnt stop the number if scars to go up. I am still not okay. They let me out when i was at a healthy weight, not a heathy state of mind. 
> 
> I have a strong feeling i will be going back.


	5. He's golden.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy realises what he just did, and he doesn't care. In fact, he wants to do it again.
> 
> Tw for self harm, drugs (weed).
> 
> Also!! Sexual content!! Like sum heavy jerkin lmao
> 
> PROCEDE WITH CAUTION ⚠

Jimmy instantly felt better, like a weight lifted off his shoulders. He almost felt high. Sitting there, his own blood dripping off his arm and into the steaming water below. 

He wasn't in pain though. _why wasn't he in pain? _Jimmy knew he had ben cut less severely than this and still cried. He knew that he should have felt pain,_ that sometime he would have felt pain **he wanted to feel pain**_

_ **if he couldn't feel pain, was he** _ ** real?**

Jimmy lied leaned back onto the shower wall. He couldn't tell if he was crying, or if it was the water dripping from his hair onto his face. Who even cared? Jimmy felt numb, and weak.

He needed a smoke.

The brunette stopped the water and quickly hopped out. Putting his clothes on (besides the shorts) and made his way back to his room. Jimmy steped into his room before he realised he still had the blade in his hand. The boy sighed and flopped on his bed, pulling the bedside drawer open, throwing the blade inside and grabbing one of his last blunts. It was pre rolled, thank god. Jimmy didn't feel like struggling to roll it right now. His lighter was on top of the mini dresser, and the brunette wasted no time lighting it and wating for his high to kick in.

He wasn't a lightweight (light smoker? Light high? He had no idea) but it still didn't take long. Jimmy felt his hearing become sort of muffled, and the room suddenly got a lot longer, and as usual, the boy lost all perception of time. 

Its been awhile since he's gotten stoned, and even longer since He's smoked a whole blunt by himself. But Jimmy didn't regret it. In fact, he didn't regret anything that happened today. Or was it yesterday? Sorta feels like last week. Who cares? Not him, probably not anyone else either. 

As Jimmy faded into nothing, he turned on music, plugging his headphones up and sorta just layed there. He's okay. He would be alright for now.

Nathans POV:

"FUCK" _bang._

"oh shit.." Nathan murmured to himself. His knuckles were throbbing, and there was yet _another _hole in his wall. The dirty blonde sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He felt so frustrated, and for no reason at that.

But he also felt hot.

His whole body pulsating with adrenalin, anger, and for some reason, _arousal._

He had to take care of this. 

Nathan let out a shakey sigh, and layed on his bed, his erection pressing painfully against his boxers and jeans. The dirty blonde unzipped his pants, struggling to get them off and throwing them across the floor. 

"Motherfucker.." Its been too long since he's done this. Nathan squeezed his hard cock through his boxers and hissed slowly. The boy slipped his boxers off, and kicked them off his matress as his member sprung free. 

Nathan gently touched the head of his cock, and put his hand over his mouth. He had felt so.. sexually frustrated lately, and really couldn't understand why. As Nathan began stroking himself faster, he felt his mind wonder to other things. 

Soft pink lips, cute hazel eyes, bright braced smile, brown curly hair..

** _Jimmy valmer. _ **

Nathan gasped as he shot his load onto his hand and lower stomach. What the hell was he thinking?? Jacking off to the thought of his enemy?? And actually cumming thinking about him? Lord he was gross.. The worst thing is

_he wanted to do it again. _

But he wanted it to be _real. _

** _He wanted Jimmy to be the one touching him._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh...   
Oh no.
> 
> Okay so yeaaaa theres that. I wanted to practice writting smutty situation, but i wanted it to be meaning full, like yea, we had sum hot shit here 👊✋ but also it was Nathan sorta realising a lil bit more abt his attraction to Jimmy, while also bein sum porn, ya kno? 
> 
> But anyways, i hope yall enjoyed this chptr, and are enjoying this whole series, book thingy lmao. Um also  
Well  
Theres this one thing
> 
> I usually always add, like, age regression into all my stuff, and Jimmy is my favorite, so idk if u should add that into the book or not..
> 
> I just dont know if it would be 'appropiate' for this kinda, story? If that makes any sense? Any thoughts? Or like, critique? 
> 
> But yea, thats that lmao.


	6. When the light fades out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a general tw for all chapters from here on out. These are not planned, and all are beta. 
> 
> That being said, if you find any plot holes, or see any spelling mistakes, let me know! Do keep in mind im writting this on my phone though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also the texting part with Clyde where shit is misspelled, its meant to be like that lol.

Jimmy sighed as we woke up, but had no recollection of falling asleep. Was it normal to feel this empty? Who even cares. 

The brunette sat up, checking his phone for the time. '11 PM' "shit" Jimmy muttered. His phone was entirely blown up, by the group chat him and the guys had started. There was also individual snaps from his friends, and some kids he didnt really know.

Jimmy wasn't '_popular_' per say, no one really 'knew him' knew him. But everyone knew _of _him. Of course Jimmy knew the only reason people like him was because he's funny. He's known that forever. And, honestly, he's not even that funny. He really didnt understand why people even thought he was 'funny' or an 'inspiration'. Honestly, he's none of that..

He's just a kid. 

Jimmy sighed and rubbed his face. He should probably open those snaps before people start worrying. 

First was the random people, saying nice things usually. He responded with a 'thank you' (and other things) 

Then to the people he knew, but wasnt close with (most were just streaks, or sending him memes.) He didnt respond to most of them, and only sent 'lmao' to the ones he did. 

But his friends were another story.

He couldnt just fake his way through it, they would know. So the brunette hoped no one was awake, maybe then the wouldnt ask him anything. 

Most of them were asking if he was okay, but some were streaks and memes, or inside jokes. Jimmy smiled softly, and posted on his story that he wasnt feeling well. He knew for a fact that would work scince he claimed he was sick at lunch as well. 

The brunette sighed yet again (he felt like he was doing alot lately) when he recived a text from Clyde. Its not that Jimmy didnt like him, he just wasnt sure he had the energy for the energetic male right now.

**TacoKing: heyyyyyy**

**TacoKing: srry ur not feling gud bro :(((**

**TacoKing: but were gona hav a lil sleepover thingyy tomorow and were not gona leve** **u ****out!**

**TacoKing: but if ur sick and u dontbwana come thats coolio to.**

Jimmy looked over the text about four times, then decided he would go. Maybe it would help him feel better. 

**Me: Yea, I'll be there. Im not 'sick' sick, just don't feel very well, ya know? **

**TacoKing: ya i get it. Not rlly but im trying to be saportive.**

Jimmy smiled. Talking to Clyde was making him feel better already. It was a suprise that he got this far with that spelling. 

**Me: well, thank you. Ight imma head out. Gn dude.**

**TacoKing: ohkay. Well gud nite then brobro.**

...

Well of course he wasnt really gonna sleep, he just woke up! So, instead, he would probably stay up watching memes, or rewatching the office for the 12th time.

He really hopes he feels better before tomorrow.


	7. Pre-sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy hangs out with his friends, Craig and Tweek realize something is wrong, but they almost dismiss it, until Craig notices something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for more self harm and not healthy eating habits and also just Jimmy talking bad abt himself.

Jimmy yawned, stretching his arms out before curling back up, clinging a stuffed rabbit in his arms. The brunette had no recollection of getting it, really. But it always ended up in his arms while he sleeps. 

He stole a glance at the clock on his bedside table, pleasantly surprised it was only 10 Am. Since he fell asleep around 2 or 3, Jimmy expected it to be much later. But at the same time, he knew that if he was late to his friends weekly 'get-together', they would show up at his house and drag him out of bed. 

Still, he knew some people wouldn't be up now anyway, saying its the weekend, they should be allowed to sleep in.

Although, that was mainly just Clyde.

Jimmy groaned, needing to get out of bed and move around some. At the very least, get dressed. And so, he did. Very reluctantly, might i add. 

He wanted to wear something that would make him feel cute, but most of his cute clothes were dresses. Not that he minded, thats why he bought them. Even if he didn't quite feel _valid._ Its not that he was confused or anything, he's known he was genderfluid for some time. Its just-.. Whenever he _**does **_feel more like a girl, he prefers male pronouns.

It always makes him feel like he's faking, or doing it for attention (even though he hasn't really told everyone).

The brunette sighed, suddenly feeling very unmotivated and depressed. With a pang of guilt, his eyes flashed over to the bed-side table. He knew what was in the drawer, and subconsciously began moving closer to it.

When Jimmy realized he had even moved, he already had the blade in his hand. He let out a slightly strained breath when he rolled up his sleeve. He hadnt really cleaned up yesterday, had he? Although it wasnt.. Messy, there was still small specks of dried blood on his wrists and arms. 

He felt disgusted with himself. He really was a sick person, huh? A frown etched onto Jimmys face as he (sort of aggressively,) dug the blade into his pale skin. He felt hot tears running down his face, but didnt mind it. It was nothing compared to the blood trickling down his arms from his now many cuts. 

He felt sick seeing it all, but with a horrifying sense of pride, thinking 'I did that.' Over and over again untill it was a repeated mantra that he felt himself getting lost in. 

But eventually, enough was enough, and he wasnt going to sit there and just bleed out any longer. And so, Jimmy made his way into the bathroom connected with his room, and washed the fresh wounds, but not bothering to bandage them. It simply wasnt worth his time.

After walking back into his room, he remembered he needed too pick out an outfit. 

It only took about five minutes to decide, as there weren't very many long sleeved options. So he went with a white shirt with a cute pink outlined bunny at the bottom, a short-ish puffy light pink skirt with some white accents on it, and pastel pink knee high socks to match the rest. Pink and white was the theme for today then. 

Jimmy felt like something was missing, but couldnt decide what it was. A hairclip, maybe? Or a bow? Possibly a headband? 

It was a tough decision, but the brunette eventually decided with a white headband with a medium-sized bow attached to it, and it really peiced the whole thing together.

He was looking over himself in the mirror for some time, but stopped when the bad thoughts came back. He couldn't help noticing how chubby he looked before looking away, though.

The short boy momentarily began to question what other people saw him like, when his phone began to ring. 

Jimmy flopped down on his bed, giggling at his skirt slightly poofing up. He smiled, answering his phone without checking who it was, not really needing to anymore.

"Hey token!" Jimmy said cheerfully.

"Hey Jimmy. We've been trying to get ahold of you for a few minutes now. I was going to give you time, but Clyde is very impatient."

"Ah, a-alright. Im almost o-on my w-way, so.. See yo-you soon?" 

"Yeah, of course. See you when i see you then." Token said, sounding already tired with Clyde who had been screaming in the background the entire time. 

Jimmy giggled, "alright, bye!" 

"Bye," 

Now to just make his way over there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't figured it out yet, this whole fic is just self projection onto my favorite boy.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh sorry if that was a weird first chapter!!  
It wasnt really a first chapter tho. It was more of an introduction to the characters personalitys and tge dynamics between everyone
> 
> I tried not to make it too ooc, but gave them slightly different traits bc they /are/ aged up.  
I also used some hcs and stuff bc i wanted to add my own pop on it. So yeah, please tell me what you think!! ~ mod rotten


End file.
